How to Get the Girl
by Tess90
Summary: Morgan gives Reid a little advice.


Reid was sitting at his desk forlornly, watching people pass. They were dressed formally, in suits and ties, bustling past with folders or stacks of paper, the occasional Styrofoam coffee cup. Today was his day off, yet somehow he still found himself at the BAU. Perhaps because he was a workaholic, dedicated to his job.

Yeah, that was what he would keep telling himself. He sighed deeply. He knew the real reason he was at work today. He was a loser. A social outcast with almost no personal life to speak of. He sighed even deeper, and rested his head on his hands.

"Reid!"

Reid looked up to see a smiling man removing his sunglasses. He was dressed casually; jeans, sneakers and a T-shirt. It was Derek Morgan, one of the Agents on the BAU, and his friend.

"Isn't today your day off?" Morgan asked, walking over to his own desk in the bullpen.

Reid nodded. "Isn't it _your_ day off?"

Morgan returned the nod. He snatched something off his desk and held it up for Reid to see.

"I forgot my pager" he said, clipping it to his belt. "What are you up to?"

Reid slid his elbows off the desk and placed them behind his head as he leaned back in his chair.

"Nothing. Trying to pass the time doing something productive…"

"But?"

"But I've done everything." Reid said, eyes bulging with boredom. "I've organized my desk, I've got caught up on nearly a month's worth of paperwork, and I've alphabetically arranged Elle's collection of profiling textbooks."

"I'm sure she'll be pleased." Morgan grinned.

Reid drummed his fingers on the desk and swivelled around in the chair. "Oh yeah, and I categorized and sub-categorized all the magazines in the break room."

"How long have you been here?"

"A few hours."

Morgan grinned, "Why don't you come with me?"

"Where?"

"I dunno. Lunch?" he suggested.

Reid shrugged as he pulled himself out from behind the desk. "I guess so. There's nothing else to do."

"Come on. If you're lucky, maybe we can find you a girl."

For a second, Morgan could've swore he saw Reid look hopeful, or maybe that was doubt...

* * *

Lunch, for Reid was a chicken sandwich and Greek salad. Morgan had a cheese burger and fries. The whole time, Reid lectured him on the current dangers of Bovine Spongiform Virus and how it could effect the human brain. "No wonder you can't find a girlfriend." Morgan finally hissed, through a mouthful of burger. The rest of the meal went fairly quietly, as far as lunches with Reid can.

* * *

Now they were in the park, watching people, trying to find someone for Reid.

"First thing's first." Morgan said, "I wanna see you in action, on your own."

Reid gave him a grave look. "See me?" he repeated.

Morgan nodded, grinning gleefully. He pointed to a woman, sitting on a park bench.

She was slender, looked to be about average height, and had blonde hair. She donned a pair of reading glasses as she gazed down at a book resting in her lap.

Reid swallowed hard as he left Morgan and approached the woman.

She didn't look back up at him until he was standing directly beside her.

"H-hi." He said.

A sugar-coated smile emerged from lips as red as roses. "Hi."

"I, uh…ummm, I see you're reading Shakespeare."

She glanced back down at her book.

Romeo and Juliet.

"Are you a fan?"

Reid shook his head. "Not exactly, but I've read it before."

"Oh." She looked back to her bark and dog-eared the page she was on. She placed it on the bench beside her and extended her hand.

"I'm Hildy." She said.

Reid shook it, "I'm Spencer."

"Nice to meet you. Are you from around here?"

"Y-yeah. I'm actually with the FBI. A specialized branch called the BAU. It stands for Behavioural Analysis Un-" he was cut short, by a loud, obnoxious ringing.

She produced a cell phone from her pocket, and flipped it open.

"Hello? Oh, hey! I'm just at the park. Sure, sure, Ok." She held her hand over the mouthpiece and spoke to Reid. "It was nice meeting you Spencer.

She grabbed her book and thrust the cell phone back to her ear before rushing off, leaving Reid standing there helpless.

Morgan sauntered over, chuckling to himself. "Smooooth." He said.

Reid sighed.

"Ok, Doctor Morgan's Love Lesson is now in session."

"Right…"

"There are certain things you need to know before you can get a date. Seven, really."

Why only seven?" Reid asked.

"Because women are complicated, now pay attention."

There was a pause as they both watched a tall, leggy blonde pass by.

"Number seven. Movies. When taking a girl to a movie, _always_ let her pick it out. Even if it's a chick flick. Horror, sci-fi, none of that crap is good if you have any plans for uh…_later_." He grinned. "In fact, the sappier, the better."

Reid nodded, absorbing the information.

"Number six. Music. A good conversation starter. Ask her what her favorite band is. Even if you've heard of it, act like you haven't." He looked to Reid and then grinned. "I'm sure that won't be a problem for you. But really, it gives you an excuse to take her somewhere and talk, even if you don't call it a date."

He paused for a moment, allowing Reid another minute of information-absorbing.

"Number five, animals. Cute, cuddly, and warm. Another good conversation starter."

He stopped and smiled. "Hey Reid?"

"What?"

"Get a dog."

"What?" Reid frowned. "I can't take care of a dog. I'm not even sure if I like dogs."

"Reid, Reid," Morgan put his arm around Reid's shoulder and leaned in close, as if to share some great secret. He lowered his voice and whispered to him, "I have a dog. And you don't see me sitting home on Friday nights, do you?"

He released his friend and grinned. "Strays work just as good. Spending time at the shelter always helps too. Chicks dig guys who like pets."

"Ok. Number four?"

Morgan nodded. "Probably the oldest trick in the book. Opening the door for her."

"That's it?"

"That's it." he said matter-of-factly. "Girls love it. It shows 'em that chivalry ain't totally dead."

"Open the door." Reid repeated, "Got it."

"Number three is ice-cream. Another simple one. It reminds them of simpler times. Take her somewhere special, like an ice-cream stand in the park. It's nice and thoughtful, without being hard on the wallet. It's a simple gesture, but scores high on the brownie-point scale!"

Reid nodded.  
"Now, number two and number one are a bit unorthodox, but effective nonetheless."

"Ok…" Reid said slowly.

"Number two. Take her somewhere cold intentionally. Not freezing cold mind you. But as soon as they mention that they're cold, offer them your jacket. That's another easy way to score. And number one, perhaps my personal favorite. Spill something on them."

Reid sputtered and choked down the water he had just taken a drink of. He gave Morgan a shocked look.

"What?" he exclaimed.

Morgan grinned at his friend's reaction. "This one is actually a bit complicated and you need good judgment when using it. If the girl is too high-strung or the clothes look too expensive, then don't. Just compliment her or something. But if she's pretty easy going and the clothes are casual, go for it. Nothing that stains though, water is good. Then you're free to fuss over her."

Reid absorbed the most confusing information yet. Even to a genius, dating didn't male sense.

"And that," Morgan said, "is the end of your lesson. For homework, you get to find a date."

Reid looked around nervously. One woman caught his attention. She was pretty, with black hair that hung down past her shoulders. Her brown eyes glistened as they made eye contact for a brief second. She smiled, then looked away.

Reid approached her with a feeling in his stomach that felt a lot like fear. As he got closer, he could make out a tattoo on her left arm of a dragon holding a rose in its teeth.

He swallowed hard, thinking maybe she wasn't his type. But then a thought occurred to him, no one was his type, because he really didn't have one. And besides, if he didn't try, he wouldn't know.

He cleared his throat and unscrewed the bottle cap of the water he had in his hand. He took a step forward and tripped, spilling water on her.

"I'm so sorry!" he said apologetically. "I'm such a klutz. Really, I'm so sorry!"

"Ahh, it's Ok, I'm always doing things like that." she smiled, pulling at the wet fabric.

Reid felt a rush of relief and a smile spread across his face.

The girl smiled at him, studying his eyes. "I'm Sarah." She said.

* * *

Several feet away a grinning man looked on. He chuckled to himself as he watched them make small talk. Turning away, he nearly bumped into a red-headed woman on roller blades. She stopped suddenly and laughed nervously. "I'm sorry!" she said.

He smiled and removed his sunglasses. "That's all right. He offered up his right hand. "I'm Derek."


End file.
